At the fine age of 42 I can say I think and I say that like many of you that I have it all together. By now I have suffered many break-ups, lost many loved ones & dealt with my own demons (and continue to do so daily). At this age sadly by striping myself down to the core and barely hanging on to life I sought the forgivable faith of Jesus to bring myself back to life.
With the love and support of many who walk the path of Christ I was able to start to pick up the pieces and start to mend. The following was just a few of the facts I needed to face and sort out, maybe many of you can relate?
- Stop Running From YOU
The first process in the healing was to stop running from me or WHO I thought was me. I was always trying to keep with the Jones’ or the image of who everyone wanted me to be that I never got to know the REAL ME deep down inside. We get so caught up in wanting to belong somewhere that we manifest this person of who will always be accepted because we are so afraid of being alone. “Alone” a very scary place to be but as I learned the ONLY place where self-healing begins.
- Letting GO
I don’t know about you but I have a problem with letting go for I have been thru so much abandonment that it was easier to stay with someone for ALL the wrong reasons than it was to be alone for the right. I mean we hear that all the time but do we really implement it in our lives or know how to?! As I began to go walk my road of faith and transition I started to see that some people really didn’t “belong” in my life. What good did they bring in my life? Did I really mean anything to them or was I “just there” when they can fit me in their schedule? Were they friends guiding me on the right path or down the path of sin (don’t get me wrong we have our own choices to make but when you don’t know who you are you believe the people you call friends would never steer you wrong). One by one people that I thought were my friends and remember this was the time I was falling apart, were they there for me as I was once there for them? The answer was NO! While I was struggling day in and day out to hold on to that moment these so called “friends” were nowhere to be found or when they showed up it was no way in a supportive manner. Some people would tell me “It’s just the way they are, learn to keep them at a distance”. But why if these were the people I surrounded myself with shouldn’t they be supportive none the less? I was learning that God was removing some people so that I may start to learn who the ones to stay and help me grow & prosper were. I mean even Jesus had to learn who were his true disciple’s. (It was time to let them go but as Jesus taught just pray for them.) Letting go comes with ridicule, back lash and drama all of which at this age of 39 coming in the new me I wanted nothing to deal with.
- Time To Face The Enemies With-In
The hard part of walking the faith with God is he will finally allow you to see what demons you have been dealing with and have held you back from your true self. Let me fill you in on some of the groundings and maybe some of you can relate to this……
For me as far back as the age of 20 when my mom died it was escaping the pain that she was never coming back. I am sure that if any of you has lost a parent, grand parent or loved one near and dear it’s easier to escape than face the inevitable. At that time it was escaping with any mind altering drug I could get my hands on and although I thought I was done with that at the age of 23 I still held on to smoking marijuana thinking it was just social…not realizing til this day that I was still using a “smoke” screen to hide. As I finalized a horrible 10 year relationship that not only ended with me being cheated on but also a lot of financial issues that I was not aware of til the end. After losing it all, literally I quit smoking marijuana and looked to fitness and what I thought was “social” drinking every weekend. 5 years of life I proceeded down this path, in a new relationship, thinking things were great BAM one drink too many argument arose and I become physical with the man I loved dearly.
In the drop of a hat he was gone and it was at that moment where I fell into the state of REALIZATION. This is where the CORE began…how could the man I loved and who said loved me just up and walk away? Well I can only accept my reality and this is where my transformation began. How could I give a man true happiness when I didn’t know what that was or who I was in order to give that? Reality is I spent the last 19 years of my life focusing on all the wrong things, the exterior, the fun, the image, who I impressed that I never took the time to focus on what was important. What is that you ask? Treating people right, giving without condition, loving without conditions and boundaries, remembering what you were put on earth to do. I learned that I am here for a reason and not for the sole purpose of looking a certain way or hanging with the “right crowd”. We are all here and we all have our own stories to live out. Sometimes it takes a hard circumstance to break you down, how many of you can relate?
- Find Out What Is Really Important To You
When all has been lost and it’s just you, you get to know the real parts of your being and just what and whom are important. First of all I learned and continue learning every day that I must love myself before I can love anyone. Even though it may sound easy it’s one of the hardest tasks I face every day. See when you have only focused on the exterior for years, losing weight and building muscle is your forte but finding the inner voice of love is hard. Its take practice every day, looking in the mirror with self-proclamation, saying things I love about myself, things I forgive myself for and things I will continue to work on. (Things I’ve learned from Lisa Nichols) At first it’s really hard, the hardest part is forgiving yourself, which is one for me that never gets easier. I know I can’t change who I was but at 39 I am quite shameful of some of the life that I have led. I listen to positive things every day that drive my soul and remind me of who I am TODAY and not yesterday. I learned that all this stuff, material things I have acquired and put value on in my life is JUST STUFF. A friend once told me when she got done listening to a sermon that you never see a moving truck behind a hearse because none of that matters. What you do see at a funeral is loved ones and friends that you have touched, memories that were created, ones you have left a lasting impression on. See in losing my parents at a young age as well as many family members & friends I have learned that what you do every day can leave a lasting impression & that is how I want to carry out my life. Trying (and I say that because I’m human and we all have moments) to make the most of everyday, compliment someone every day, make someone smile and be a great friend/family member who not only listens but comprehends with all your heart without judement.
- Be The Driving Force
I realized in life I you have the power within to change the world one perspective at a time. Happiness starts within!! Once that is achieved your rays of sunshine will be contagious and forever flowing. Be that person who holds the door, asks how someone is doing, lead your day with kindness and end in reflection. The past is gone, today (right now) is your only promise, tomorrow is never guarantee. Love and LOVE BIG every day and live as today was your last.