I have been thru a lot of loss in my life to know how precious time is with others. Sometimes curve balls are often thrown at you to remind you to focus on what is important, your life, your happiness, RELATIONSHIPS with others & memories made. I had the joy & honor of getting to know this funny Scottish man…Scotty. He was my counterpart at work and we had so much fun together from me cranking him pretending I was a customer to covering his desk with post-its while he was out of the office. Scotty & I would have amazing conversations about life, love and of course music. Scotty loved music since he was a teenager and played in multiple bands til today. I had just spoke to Scott a little over 2 weeks ago and we were planning not only on doing lunch with him and the old crew but he was going to let me know when he was playing closer so I can come see him. I will never forget he said ” I will let you know pal” and we said good-bye.
Little did I know that was the last goodbye I would say to him! I got the call today from an old co-worker stating that Scotty passed away last night, in total shock and awe I asked what from? Cancer she said, he didn’t want a lot of people to know. At first I was angry, why didn’t he tell me but then I remembered who HE WAS and he was quite the humble soul. So full of life and laughter I could only imagine he didn’t want his circumstance to bring others down.
Scotty…I will miss you, our talks, your laughter and your amazing personality!!!! You get to play for angels now my dear friend! Till we meet again….save the open stool for me so when I get there I can watch you play. On angels wings you fly…..miss you pal!
This was one of the many songs we always talked about, it suits you Scotty…you did it your way!!!
Taking some time today to reflect over the past couple years and recently these past couple weeks. What amazing growth and development has occurred not only in me but with my surroundings as well. Nothing has been easy and I don’t think it should ever be. The path less traveled builds, chances taken, risks ahead all can be scary but without taking any of those where would you end up? How do you ever discover your true potential, find out what your values and gifts are? We are all born with these, these are not man-made, no school can bestow these on you only God. Every choice we make, every turn we take in our journey starts to mold you piece by piece like he intended. The changes that comes your way either by choice or chance can either build you or drop you, if you fall looking up GET UP and in this time with new purpose, for he has a plan. I’ve learned in all this to be your self and TAKE CHANCES on your gifts, your talents, build your dream. If you die tomorrow can you say you lived your dream? Tried? Or have you fallen into the “THIS IS IT?” living phase. I don’t about you but I want to die knowing I touch lives, took chances, traveled, made lasting memories with family and friends but mostly knowing I lived for today, not yesterday nor tomorrow!
Are you at a place in life where you cringe every time you walk thru the door? Have the power to change it BUT stay anyway? Ask yourself this question as I did on more than one occasion ARE YOU NOT WORTH MORE TO YOURSELF? Better yet do you not believe in the gifts God gave you? You need to realize you are here for a purpose, if what you are doing does not feed your soul for joy and happiness IT’S NOT YOUR PURPOSE! See when you start to believe in your self others see you in the light you were born with.
For the first time since Brian (my mentor) passed away I stand among people who value me. See my potential and want to help me expand that, what an amazing feeling that is! I took a risk, a chance on a new beginning not knowing where it might go. But I believed I deserved better, where I was it was no longer helping me to grow and what is life with out growth?
Where are you life? Time to take a RISK? BELIEVE IN YOURSELF!!!!
Today at church it was BAPTISM, if any of you have been baptized you know the glory of how it feels to burst out of the water in Newness & Life. Our pastor opened in speaking of 3 types of people in faith, the believers, the skeptics and the curious. I think at one point we all cross each of those stages. As the curious we wonder in doubt if he exists, always asking WHY & never truly understanding if he exists why does he allow things to happen. See our God is so good that he will not force any relationship with you and will stand by as you question him and he waits to show you little by little of his existence. Jeremiah 29:13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.
As he begins to show you, you become skeptical asking “What if?” “What if he is real?” After Jesus’ resurrection he appeared to his friends who only needed to see him. People spoke of his resurrection and his coming back but Thomas his disciple was skeptical and in John 24:24-29 he said to them, “Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into his side, I will not believe.”
26 A week later his disciples were in the house again, and Thomas was with them. Though the doors were locked, Jesus came and stood among them and said, “Peace be with you!” 27 Then he said to Thomas, “Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe.”
28 Thomas said to him, “My Lord and my God!”
29 Then Jesus told him, “Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.” So powerful that moment when Jesus showed himself to those who questioned. Sometimes you just need to talk to Jesus and ask him to show up and because you have opened that door I promise you he will show up. See as stated he will never force a relationship upon you but will be present when you ask. Now the believers, even as a believer you will have to be open and continue to welcome him into your heart, your life and with that he will live thru you. Its not easy but thru you others can see what he is doing and in that you become part of his welcome committee. See we cannot change others but we can change ourselves in a manner that they can see what the grace of god is doing. I share my life experiences with others so they may know that even the darkest moments you have can the light just welcome him. Today to watch those who were once curious and skeptical open their heart and minds to the wonders of Jesus became BELIEVERS. They say that thru baptism when people proclaim God the father & repent of their past the angels in heaven sing and party. Today I re-lived mine in 2017, what an amazing event to watch, brought a tear to the eye. BELIEVE, RECEIVE & BECOME!!!!!!!!
In my new journey forward as I told you in my last writing I want to shed some “Old Leather ” as Lady Gaga references in her song “Million Reasons”. I had to come to the reality that if I tell this man who has not only been one of my best friends but my lover that I could not continue to just be the friend with benefits any more he might leave forever. Even before Michael left he was there for me, a co-worker at first which molded into a friendship which turned into more. We spent every other weekend together, talking, laughing and what I felt was something amazing. I had never experienced passion like I had with him, was my heart making more than what it was? I saw him everyday and paid attention to everything about him but when it came to me and what was important, my blog for instance he never showed his interest. I could tell you how many smiles he has, when he’s stressed and when hes sad, BUT he couldn’t see ME. After awhile especially these past weeks when I reached out in distress he would respond at convenience or not at all. On Tuesday I told him I couldn’t do it anymore I fell in love with him and what I thought was something. After I hit send (yes I sent it in text) I was hoping for something a response, but I didn’t get a thing. The next day my final day to see him on the job and he didn’t look at me and never said good bye as I walked out of those doors for the last time. I worked at the gym for the last time Wednesday night as well, in between clients constantly checking my phone hoping for a response, but I got nothing. The next morning I reached out and he said that if I feel I missed out on opportunities to go find them. I poured out my heart in hopes if there was something in his heart he would say it to me , stop me from leaving! Days have gone by & I haven’t heard a thing. I know for myself I had to do something I couldn’t just be that “girl” all the time and because I fell in love with him I was not able to give others chances with me. With these new beginnings ahead of me I needed to see where I stood and I guess now I know. I cry alot and ask God to give me the strength to get thru this for his gave me the courage to stand for myself. Time heals all wounds and if its meant to be it will be.
Psalm 34:18 ‘The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit’