Its funny how we can not remember the bits and pieces of yesterday but the dark moments of our life shine thru like the rays from the sun. 21 years ago today I stood at the end of your hospital bed shaking with fear of the unknown and filled with rage & confusion. My whole life you taught us about God, his powers of salvation and miracles he performed. At that very moment where I stood I used everything inside of me to beg God to save you, not take you away and leave me with nothing. I couldn’t understand if there was a God why he would take you away from me when he already took my father when I was 10. All the prayers couldn’t save you that day and as the priest read you your last rights I remember screaming at him to go fuck himself and to fuck god. It was at that moment as I kissed your forehead goodbye I said I would make you proud not knowing that life would bring me full circle.
My whole life especially after my dad died my mom was my everything. I watched a woman lose her best friend and still in the midst of her storm stand tall for all of us 8 kids. She was the mom that would discipline when necessary, be my friend when I needed it and the best support team I had. She knew how to say the right things to make you laugh and then she would laugh, a laugh that was so contagious. But if I had to say the best part about my mom was her heart. Her heart was bigger than her!!! She would invite anyone to dinner even if there was already 10 to feed as she would always say “she would rob Peter to pay Paul” she would take a little off everyone’s plate to make another. She would pick up strangers in the rain and give them a ride home (crazy I know). Her love for life, living & the giving to people was so special, so rare.
As I reflect today in your honor mom not for the sadness that you left me on this very day but in the glory of what you left for me. I never understood why you were so faithful to God even thru all the trials when everyone else would of quit. Losing both your best friends, losing your son none of that steered you away from God, you knew there was purpose for it. God does nothing with out purpose! In 2017 when I was in the deepest part of depression it was you mom who steered me back to my faith. It has been that faith that has carried me strong thru all of the roller coasters my life has been on. Today as I stood in church I recalled the morning 21 years ago. Apart of me will always be broken that you are gone but I praised God today for the blessing that I had the best mom in the world to teach me so much about LIFE, LOVE, FAITH & TRUE JOY! Mom, I love you and I miss you with all my heart! LOVE YOU!!!!!